S.O.S

20th dec 2008

few more hours to be in penang...i really dun know why this time inside me really don't feel well..i hope not something bad is going to happen...i dare not think too far...i just cant take it right now...wont somebody help me?cause i don't feel too strong...

freak out...

20th december 2008

i am going back to penang tonight....but i am feeling so scared...i do not know why...is it because i think to much about my dreams or what?or is it because i do not know what will happen again when i see him...i just can't help they way i feel now....

happy yet sad

18th december 2008

how i wish we are still together, so that i can tell you happily now how is my result, although i dun have all A but at least i do have a dean cert for this semester. thanks alot for your place to study.n i just cannot forget how you always ask me to go back to study, asking me if i m studying and POP QUIZ. but i can only express my feelings here now......

i m still wondering is it God love me too much to be with you and let me found out everything?or is it my fault to give you surprise and invaded your life.....

fear not....

17th December 2008

i do not know what happened to me...every bad thgs just seem to happen to me one by one..whtever i dreamt of, imagined and think of all just happened. but left 1 now........death.

i once dreamt of i was dying in an hour, n i was so freak out, i nd to call to many ppl to tell them i m dying n i love them. and i woke up crying...so i shud not fear now for i have still plenty of time to blog here. then when mum told me to buy morning ticket to go bk to penang, but only night tickets were sold, n so i told my mum if anythg is going to happen, it is fated. n just now i was writing letter to him as if i m writing a will.

no doubt i have too many thing to be done, too many words to say to too many people. but it is ok, i have lived my life for 22 years, loved by people around me for 22 years, and if anything really happen, just have to know that i love all of you, i hate no one and i am sorry if i ever did something wrong and hurt u all. just let me go and tomorrow will be better...cheers...

life is all about moving forward...live life fullest...

dreaming of u

16th dec 2008

i was dreaming of you till my phone rang at 6sth in the morning.i have been dreaming of you all the while,but the dream for this time is different.very different...previously i dreamt of we were kissing, i dreamt of u came to me in the rain with an umbrella....but not this time...i dreamt of u were driving me to sch, but the route is weird, instead of normal road, we have to drive up the staircase, in the dream u were ok all the while when u fetch me like this but on the particular day u were not. you told me that you feel so heartache for your car for driving up such kind of route...and the dream ended with i can still your perfume...and ya, you left me...finally......

fooled....

i hate you...why you wanna play a part in my life?who am i to u?why am i such a fool?if you loved me you wont do all that to me..so u don't love me,do you?can anyone just help me to stop breathing?can i curse u?can some1 just take away my memories?how can i stop thinking all these?can i slap you?what do i do now?

forgiving and letting go

12th dec 2008

i do not know why i can feel so calm suddenly, not hating anyone. my tears finally fell down yesterday, but not because i thought of what he did to me, but because what yat teng told me.. he said "bob u still got us ya bob...we will always back u up ya...not matter what happen"...then i know i m so loved and care by people around me....so why do i make myself miserable just because of someone who does not want to appreciate me right? and like Ken said "
dun think so much lo... i hv put da effort... not mine is not mine..." thanks to u guys my lovely friends... i will be strong...

fated

11th december 2008

everything i imagined just happened on 09th dec 2008...a woman in the house, he shut the door,left me all alone...reading bk those previous blogs of mine then only i know that things are happening, it is just that i do not want to accept the truth....who am i trying to lie?it's me myself..

everything just happened.....

30th November 2008

You know why children are always carefree? because they do not think much when they do whatever they feel like doing. Climb here and there without thinking much. So is my love to you. I am a decade younger than you, that is why I love you because I love you, I need you to trust me and have faith in me too so that we both can work things out, I am not li lian so I won’t betray you, I am not lena so I do not give you complicated life, and I am not supermodel, so no people will fall for me easily, I am just me, li-ling, who just wann be with you.


1st December 2008

It’s been a month since he and I became couple. Things seem to be fine but actually I know that things are not working out as good as it is seen. Receiving his mail the other day made me realize that I am the one who is making things going too fast which is fine with me but I do not think is fine with him. He told me that “n I admit that I need more time to adjust having u living together with me”…and I know what it is supposed to mean. I was mislead or misinterpreted by his words when he said “ I hope you will be the one I pay my attention to”; “of course I want you to be my girl”; “you can have my place anytime you like”; “my work can wait, you are more important to me now than anything else”; and a lot more..well, he actually did say he was not trying to push me to any corner, no pressure and obligation when I am with him. And I should know what is all that supposed to mean…It is me myself who is moving too fast, which I think is not part of what he planned and want in his life now. And thus, I am suffering from all the unnecessary thoughts, and this is what happened when only one party is moving too fast. The last relationship I was the only one wanna move forward, and now, I am the one who is moving too fast. Maybe I should really stop moving or just slow down, so that no one, including myself is pressured. But why did he wanna give me kisses in the first place, whispered near me “my dear” when I was sleeping, told me he was crazy for me when he kissed my lips, held my hand near his chest… how can a girl like me resist to all these?


6th December 2008

Do you know how I feel when you told me you dozed off at the sofa, without calling me for the day? No, you do not know. I just feel that I am so not important to you though you said I am. I do not dare to angry with you or tell you because at this moment I am so afraid of losing you, but somehow it is hard when only one is trying very best to maintain a relationship.

slowing down

13th November 2008

Honey, you know what? I miss those days when we just got to know each other. You know why? Because you will text me a lot. And so I always keep all those sweet messages and reread them once in a while. For now, you will just call me and there is hardly a sms from you. I know you are a workaholic, you wanna really concentrate on your career, but I am just a normal girl who want a man like you, but will still let me know that you are fine all the while.
What I am trying to say is after we became couple, automatically I will worry about you, and especially I am someone who always thinks a lot. I don’t mean to check on you or don’t trust you, but I just wanna make sure that you are safe. So I really hope that you will send me a message, whatever it is all about, at least one in the morning, one in the afternoon and at night.
I know you told me that we should slow down, and see what future will bring to us, but while slowing down, I hope everything is still going on as normal.
And only if you notice and realize, my personal message in MSN for this time being is “am I always the last one…?”,the last one you will think of and remember after you have got all your things done.

breathing hard..

12th November 2008

Honey, I hope you will remember our deal—you are going to tell me if your “other gals” wanna meet you or they need your help…like I said, I rather I feel unhappy and jealous for awhile when you tell me rather than I find out myself which I guess is going to make things even more complicated.
Like you said, there is nothing you wanna hide away from me. And I hope this is really the case. You also told me that we can talk about anything, remember? But looks like as if I am the only one who tells you whatever I am not happy with, and I am the only one asking you questions. Is it because I am not the one you wanna talk to and can tell me about anything?
Although we had a deal, but in me, I still do not feel good. Not because of “other gals”, but it is something between us, between you and me, honey.
And only if you know, I can hardly breathe now……..

...................

what am i doing man....nt even an hour ago i was blogging so happily....n i cant stop myself from laughing when i am with you....

but what now?i read ur sms...which i know i shouldn't do so but i cant help it when i saw the msg saying lena was so down these few days...and the one who texted you ask if u still keep in touch with her lately...

the insecurity in me again is fooling me...i start thinking is it i am not the oly 1 whom you miss at night...then i start to imagine how you worry about her...and how she needed you...

i am sorry...u told me that your histories with them were really complicated...but i know they meant alot to you...and what we are having now....what i can give to you...is really nothing compare to theirs...

cheese lover..... :)

you just do not know how i really like to be at your place,just the two of us...you were having bread with cheese and peanut jam...n i was laughing all the way....what i was laughing was i cannot imagine what will happen if we were both locked up in a CHEESE FACTORY or CHEESE STORAGE....wakaka..... :)

by the way, i really like to look at you when you are working in front of you laptop....so suave so charming....

and thanks honey for always giving me the best....always let me have food with more cheese.. and i love you... :)

someone like you....

wakaka....sorry honey, i lied to you.actually i was napping when u called me up....dun be so mean k?i will study....

when i was with my ex that time, i never dream of him until he and i broke up...but this time it is different.i dreamt of you again just now when i was napping..it was raining heavily and you took an umbrella and found me..and protecting me from becoming wet....well till then u called me up, u asked me to meet you at the carpark in 15 mins time...i asked is it u need me to pass you something but u told me u have something wanna pass to me...when i met you that time...hmm...it's me favourite cheese and also cheese spread...because it is running out of cheese at ur place and u are afraid that i do not have enough to eat....how sweet of you my honey...

i am sure my mum will definitely feel happy for me for having someone like you who always take care of me...i might not be the in the first place in your heart, but i am sure you have me somewhere important still in your heart. and for the first time, let me tell you "i love you,honey" ..

~*Faith*~

although there are still uncertainties in me, but i really hope that i found the right person in my life...

this is the second time i went hiking at Bukit Jambul...and totally two different experience...the first time i would say it was S-U-C-K-S!!godbro kept pushing me up...ya in his point of view was to encourage me but.......

this time it was different... :) i went with my honey and he kept telling me to take my time, take one step at a time...and when we came down that time, we took another route which is more challenging, but i was not afraid at all...because i know that i can count on him for sure..i do not have to worry about anything, all i need to do is to trust him and let him lead me all the way through...

and although both my godbro and honey are photographers, but that way both of them tell me about camera is totally different, honey was so patient and let me tried to do some shooting and showed me some pointers...

i do not know what future will bring, but i do hope that if the future permits, me to be his and only his.... :)

uncertain.........

i found someone whom i excatly want, i mean the kind of partner i want in my life, but what?am i happy? yes, i was happy...very thankful, but not really until just now..just becoz some1 is so good..n there is when the gap comes in....you feel so freak out that he is tired of u for not knowing so many things...now i understand what my mum told me...she was saying why do i wanna find some1 so good? later people wont love me as much as i love him only i know...ya...and been doubting abt it ...

H-O-M-E

it's been quite some time since i last went bk to melaka...unlike the 1st and second year, just never miss the chance to go back whenever possible...this is my very 1st time staying bk in penang during study week, and 1st time staying at a fren's place to study...i wont say it is late at night now but umhh.....i miss my family...just feel like wanna be with them...

the life here is good, but i have to be alone all by myself here...i wanna go home...

Down down down.....

what happen to me these few days?been so moody...sometimes good sometimes bad..and again, starts to think lots of unnecessary thoughts. why am i comparing again when i told people that there is always reasons for everyone is treated the way they are. what am i so afraid of? like one of "our stories", someone told me to be myself, dun let others to tell me otherwise and find someone who love me the way i am.

hmm...though we were celebrating frens' birthday, but just don't know why suddenly feel like crying, don't wanna play any games or do anything, just wanna run away...

~*Blessed*~

What more can I say when I am already the luckiest girl in this world??

15th October 2008, it was my birthday, and lots and lots of surprises I got from them. First and foremost, on last Sunday, 12th, Benji sent me my present before he left for Beijing.

Then on 15th, 12am, my bobs called me with all the birthday wishes. Then as usual, I received lots of messages from the rest of my friends and relatives. In the afternoon my parents called me up and wished me…and what, my grandma too. I just don’t know why but that call means a lot to me.

Haha,ya, no doubt I told bobs not to celebrate my birthday for me and there is no need to buy me anything, I did expect a cake from them. But my bobs are too kind to let me not celebrate my birthday. 8sth if not mistaken, pei wen asked me to change and said we were going out. Haha and then, of course, I had a really great celebration in cosmic leisure. Haha…these guys are really funny, crazy and cool…they sang me birthday song and we were going round the table like a train?and I got my face messed up with all the cocoa powder from the cake, thanks to shi hooi. :) and of course, they bought me a nice hat, I honestly like it you see…also I m now waiting for “our story”.. :)

Throughout the night Benji called me thrice and again, I just enjoyed talking with him.
By the way, I have this another friend who actually are so nice to me all these while, guess he was afraid no one will be there to celebrate my birthday, he asked me twice in the noon if I wanna go out and celebrate, then at night he actually asked me out to istimewa but sorry man, I’d got a date with my bobs..anyway, thanks ya pong hooi.

For all these I have, I would really wanna thank my parents..and of course, thank god for all the blessing. :)

A day to remember

12th October 2008, i just came back from Starbucks with him..rain is pouring heavily outside.. I am not feeling blue, not lonely, but happy….

It’s been sometime back since I have surprise from someone..he told me yesterday night that he needs to see me today to pass me something..Well he did and it’s my birthday present in advance… I got a Sheaffer ball pen and a mechanical pencil with my name carved on them..I always want to have these but just never get them for myself.

Was in his place the whole day, and out of nowhere my heart beat suddenly was so fast. Maybe there was only two of us or it should mean something…just hope that this feeling won’t fade away so soon… :)

Mankind

just because you are not the boss who is paying, so you cannot scold people or talk to them in an impolite way when they are not doing thgs right...wtf!! dun they realize that y they are ths got demanded and not others?!! Wake up please!! how are you going to improve and survive out there with those kind of attitudes??

simply copy paste...neglect all the underlined vocab...dun seem to bother and care to edit....is that what an attitude a uni student, a grown up shuold have??!!frens are frens...but when it comes to work...PLEASE!!DUN BE SO STUPID i would say....

The Missing Part....

Everything is fine in my life,until I went out that day....late at night, a hug with someone i just got to know, only I realise that a simple hug from a he, is really enough when you feel lonely...a hug can really touches someone's heart. dun worry, i aint falling for anyone, but all i needed is a hug from someone whom i think can take care of me, like a big bro.... like another he...

Back to my bobs part...OMG!!we went for lunch together yesterday noon....i really need to accept the truth that our distance is not going to be shortened...no topic, no nothing....we were trying hard to get some topics to chat...sigh...

However, I am glad that when he needed help, he called me, when i told him that i was not in, and told him to find another fren, he was reluctant...

always be with you

how should i start this time??erh....ok...it's about u,mei.

again, thanks for being such a nice fren...i mean,probably after i graduate next year...i have the most memories with you....all the good and bad ones...

we were polishing our nails....with my "artistic" piece of work...lol....dun have to mention much abt what happen between us coz it's all in our heart...but i really feel so happy when u still remember the 1st song which we duet together in COSMIC LEISURE...then u actually played ur guitar and we sang it again u c....

love ya... :)

me, myself, and i

I cannot remember since when i want myself to be independent....i join societies alone, i walk to class alone, i take bus home alone.....almost everythg own my own. not wanting to do it with others, cause i m used to it...how good is it to be independent?

not relying on others is good....but it sets me apart from the world...it builds a wall to my heart..not willing to let people in.

if any1 were to read this, remember, standing on ur own feet is good, but do not let it cause u alone.......

Escape........

Long ago I was wondering why some people like going out at night when they can have their own sweet time at home sleeping, watching movies and whatever they like doing…Well, I am not so sure why…until it came to me …to escape from loneliness, to escape from unnecessary thoughts…not being pessimistic but just can’t help it…. And was wondering if any1 out there would ever touch my heart again…

Yesterday Once More

Looking at her lying on the bed....I was trying hard to recall all the memories i had with her,but so little that can i really remember...and the 1 that i will never forget, it was in McDonald's...She brought me to McDonald's because i wanted to have some fries....I was too young to make the order...and she...hardly know what are all those foods called....so,what the granny and her granddaughter did was,pointing at the food picture in the menu....and they finally made it to buy some fries and nuggets for the family....then I was in secondary school,a friend of mine was selling watches in class, and the childish me who loved Hello Kitty so much that time, saw two Hello Kitty watches, wished for them so much, went home to tell mum about it...again,she was there,heard what i said,then quickly gave me money and asked me to go get the watches on the second day..one more exciting experience..i was in form 1...we were taking flight to penang..guess what??me missed the flight!!!luckily the management was kind enough to let us board the next and last flight....and now,i am in the university,i can hardly see her and spend time with her...and then the last hol when i came back...she was sitting next to me,pat on my shoulder,touched my hand so tenderly,telling me that i am a good gal......

Now everytime when i am back at home...i try to take photos with her....trying hard to keep all the sweet memories i have with her....so afraid that i can only remember so little like i mentioned...

Grandma,please get well soon...before i knew you was hospitalised,i bought you biscuits,and i was thinking to have breakfast with you...I Love You.....

Not alone........

It's kinda sad when you are sicked and there is no one out there to take care of you....But i am not alone....i was sicked, there she text me asd asked me if i need to go to the doctor and she would be free after 5pm.....she told me that just give her a call if i would need help...and she stopped me from eating ice cream n stuffs cause i am still not fully recovered...thanks to you my friend, Mei Mei.. :)

So far.....yet so near......

Was looking at our photos...and there's one that really really made me think of you guys so much....I always remember how you all helped me out and treated me so nice....Now,let's talk a little about it....

Let's begin with Peter Kang....I am sure you too remember what happened between us....the very 1st moment when i decided not to take up the challenge to become the president of management society....you gave me all the encouragement and support....not sure if you remember this 1:"hehe....dont worry, i'll make them listen to u.We'll help u up,promise!someday u'll regret of the road not taken. We must challenge ourselves when we young,do things that furious n we dare not do after this...maybe we are not ready now but we have to change. I m also not mature at all...who says leader must be mature...most of the time kids perform better than adults,they dont think so much.Ling, i need u tgt with me,really.we learn tgt." because of ur words..we sailed through together...You kept your words and you always do...Albeit there was tiff between us....we have no hard feelings....and you planned for my 21st year old bday celebration,remembering i said wanna try clubbing and like cheese cake....really thanks alot bob.. :)

Now let's proceed to Mr Lee Meng Horng....hmm....nth really much about us two....but still you helped me out alot for management society stuffs....I know that's bad of me throwing you the burden of being UMS student's tour guide....then kept rushing you for the powerpoints...And there is 1 thing i will never forget when we went yam cha at Istimewa...that time Woei Loon said if he has car then he will fetch his bobs....then we gals ma said sth like why not fetching us but only bobs....and you, Mr Lee..said "you all also bobs what"...and that is when we (mei mei and i) officially became bobs with you all....thanks yea Meng Horng.... :)

Ok....it's your turn Mr Jason Tan...I just cant forget how we got to know each other and how bad luck i was the 1st time i got to know you during interaction day...anyhow, it's a sweet memory...then it was raining and you and woei loon accompanied me to RST to do my stupid C++ asignment, u and chai lin accompanied me back to kl to transfer bus....and alot...too many to mention here... compare to other bobs, i can say that we are the closest, I can tell you all my personal probs...and you are always there to listen to me....there was two things that make me feel so happy to have you in my life....I never expect that you will wake up so early in the morning just to pass me the CD......well...1 more thing.....not going to write out here...not sure if you know what cause I am sure to you guys it's like nth but to me....it means alot.... kinda lots about us...just dont know where to begin....I appreciate you alot....thanks for being such a sweet friend... :)

For the rest of the bobs...Thanks for being my friends also....Fate brought us together...and we shall never let it fades... though there's a distance between us....I truly believe there's 1 thing that always stay right there, inside our heart...and that's BOB.... :)