everything just happened.....

30th November 2008

You know why children are always carefree? because they do not think much when they do whatever they feel like doing. Climb here and there without thinking much. So is my love to you. I am a decade younger than you, that is why I love you because I love you, I need you to trust me and have faith in me too so that we both can work things out, I am not li lian so I won’t betray you, I am not lena so I do not give you complicated life, and I am not supermodel, so no people will fall for me easily, I am just me, li-ling, who just wann be with you.


1st December 2008

It’s been a month since he and I became couple. Things seem to be fine but actually I know that things are not working out as good as it is seen. Receiving his mail the other day made me realize that I am the one who is making things going too fast which is fine with me but I do not think is fine with him. He told me that “n I admit that I need more time to adjust having u living together with me”…and I know what it is supposed to mean. I was mislead or misinterpreted by his words when he said “ I hope you will be the one I pay my attention to”; “of course I want you to be my girl”; “you can have my place anytime you like”; “my work can wait, you are more important to me now than anything else”; and a lot more..well, he actually did say he was not trying to push me to any corner, no pressure and obligation when I am with him. And I should know what is all that supposed to mean…It is me myself who is moving too fast, which I think is not part of what he planned and want in his life now. And thus, I am suffering from all the unnecessary thoughts, and this is what happened when only one party is moving too fast. The last relationship I was the only one wanna move forward, and now, I am the one who is moving too fast. Maybe I should really stop moving or just slow down, so that no one, including myself is pressured. But why did he wanna give me kisses in the first place, whispered near me “my dear” when I was sleeping, told me he was crazy for me when he kissed my lips, held my hand near his chest… how can a girl like me resist to all these?


6th December 2008

Do you know how I feel when you told me you dozed off at the sofa, without calling me for the day? No, you do not know. I just feel that I am so not important to you though you said I am. I do not dare to angry with you or tell you because at this moment I am so afraid of losing you, but somehow it is hard when only one is trying very best to maintain a relationship.