20th dec 2008
few more hours to be in penang...i really dun know why this time inside me really don't feel well..i hope not something bad is going to happen...i dare not think too far...i just cant take it right now...wont somebody help me?cause i don't feel too strong...
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
freak out...
20th december 2008
i am going back to penang tonight....but i am feeling so scared...i do not know why...is it because i think to much about my dreams or what?or is it because i do not know what will happen again when i see him...i just can't help they way i feel now....
i am going back to penang tonight....but i am feeling so scared...i do not know why...is it because i think to much about my dreams or what?or is it because i do not know what will happen again when i see him...i just can't help they way i feel now....
Thursday, December 18, 2008
happy yet sad
18th december 2008
how i wish we are still together, so that i can tell you happily now how is my result, although i dun have all A but at least i do have a dean cert for this semester. thanks alot for your place to study.n i just cannot forget how you always ask me to go back to study, asking me if i m studying and POP QUIZ. but i can only express my feelings here now......
i m still wondering is it God love me too much to be with you and let me found out everything?or is it my fault to give you surprise and invaded your life.....
how i wish we are still together, so that i can tell you happily now how is my result, although i dun have all A but at least i do have a dean cert for this semester. thanks alot for your place to study.n i just cannot forget how you always ask me to go back to study, asking me if i m studying and POP QUIZ. but i can only express my feelings here now......
i m still wondering is it God love me too much to be with you and let me found out everything?or is it my fault to give you surprise and invaded your life.....
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
fear not....
17th December 2008
i do not know what happened to me...every bad thgs just seem to happen to me one by one..whtever i dreamt of, imagined and think of all just happened. but left 1 now........death.
i once dreamt of i was dying in an hour, n i was so freak out, i nd to call to many ppl to tell them i m dying n i love them. and i woke up crying...so i shud not fear now for i have still plenty of time to blog here. then when mum told me to buy morning ticket to go bk to penang, but only night tickets were sold, n so i told my mum if anythg is going to happen, it is fated. n just now i was writing letter to him as if i m writing a will.
no doubt i have too many thing to be done, too many words to say to too many people. but it is ok, i have lived my life for 22 years, loved by people around me for 22 years, and if anything really happen, just have to know that i love all of you, i hate no one and i am sorry if i ever did something wrong and hurt u all. just let me go and tomorrow will be better...cheers...
life is all about moving forward...live life fullest...
i do not know what happened to me...every bad thgs just seem to happen to me one by one..whtever i dreamt of, imagined and think of all just happened. but left 1 now........death.
i once dreamt of i was dying in an hour, n i was so freak out, i nd to call to many ppl to tell them i m dying n i love them. and i woke up crying...so i shud not fear now for i have still plenty of time to blog here. then when mum told me to buy morning ticket to go bk to penang, but only night tickets were sold, n so i told my mum if anythg is going to happen, it is fated. n just now i was writing letter to him as if i m writing a will.
no doubt i have too many thing to be done, too many words to say to too many people. but it is ok, i have lived my life for 22 years, loved by people around me for 22 years, and if anything really happen, just have to know that i love all of you, i hate no one and i am sorry if i ever did something wrong and hurt u all. just let me go and tomorrow will be better...cheers...
life is all about moving forward...live life fullest...
Monday, December 15, 2008
dreaming of u
16th dec 2008
i was dreaming of you till my phone rang at 6sth in the morning.i have been dreaming of you all the while,but the dream for this time is different.very different...previously i dreamt of we were kissing, i dreamt of u came to me in the rain with an umbrella....but not this time...i dreamt of u were driving me to sch, but the route is weird, instead of normal road, we have to drive up the staircase, in the dream u were ok all the while when u fetch me like this but on the particular day u were not. you told me that you feel so heartache for your car for driving up such kind of route...and the dream ended with i can still your perfume...and ya, you left me...finally......
i was dreaming of you till my phone rang at 6sth in the morning.i have been dreaming of you all the while,but the dream for this time is different.very different...previously i dreamt of we were kissing, i dreamt of u came to me in the rain with an umbrella....but not this time...i dreamt of u were driving me to sch, but the route is weird, instead of normal road, we have to drive up the staircase, in the dream u were ok all the while when u fetch me like this but on the particular day u were not. you told me that you feel so heartache for your car for driving up such kind of route...and the dream ended with i can still your perfume...and ya, you left me...finally......
Friday, December 12, 2008
fooled....
i hate you...why you wanna play a part in my life?who am i to u?why am i such a fool?if you loved me you wont do all that to me..so u don't love me,do you?can anyone just help me to stop breathing?can i curse u?can some1 just take away my memories?how can i stop thinking all these?can i slap you?what do i do now?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
forgiving and letting go
12th dec 2008
i do not know why i can feel so calm suddenly, not hating anyone. my tears finally fell down yesterday, but not because i thought of what he did to me, but because what yat teng told me.. he said "bob u still got us ya bob...we will always back u up ya...not matter what happen"...then i know i m so loved and care by people around me....so why do i make myself miserable just because of someone who does not want to appreciate me right? and like Ken said "
dun think so much lo... i hv put da effort... not mine is not mine..." thanks to u guys my lovely friends... i will be strong...
i do not know why i can feel so calm suddenly, not hating anyone. my tears finally fell down yesterday, but not because i thought of what he did to me, but because what yat teng told me.. he said "bob u still got us ya bob...we will always back u up ya...not matter what happen"...then i know i m so loved and care by people around me....so why do i make myself miserable just because of someone who does not want to appreciate me right? and like Ken said "
dun think so much lo... i hv put da effort... not mine is not mine..." thanks to u guys my lovely friends... i will be strong...
fated
11th december 2008
everything i imagined just happened on 09th dec 2008...a woman in the house, he shut the door,left me all alone...reading bk those previous blogs of mine then only i know that things are happening, it is just that i do not want to accept the truth....who am i trying to lie?it's me myself..
everything i imagined just happened on 09th dec 2008...a woman in the house, he shut the door,left me all alone...reading bk those previous blogs of mine then only i know that things are happening, it is just that i do not want to accept the truth....who am i trying to lie?it's me myself..
everything just happened.....
30th November 2008
You know why children are always carefree? because they do not think much when they do whatever they feel like doing. Climb here and there without thinking much. So is my love to you. I am a decade younger than you, that is why I love you because I love you, I need you to trust me and have faith in me too so that we both can work things out, I am not li lian so I won’t betray you, I am not lena so I do not give you complicated life, and I am not supermodel, so no people will fall for me easily, I am just me, li-ling, who just wann be with you.
1st December 2008
It’s been a month since he and I became couple. Things seem to be fine but actually I know that things are not working out as good as it is seen. Receiving his mail the other day made me realize that I am the one who is making things going too fast which is fine with me but I do not think is fine with him. He told me that “n I admit that I need more time to adjust having u living together with me”…and I know what it is supposed to mean. I was mislead or misinterpreted by his words when he said “ I hope you will be the one I pay my attention to”; “of course I want you to be my girl”; “you can have my place anytime you like”; “my work can wait, you are more important to me now than anything else”; and a lot more..well, he actually did say he was not trying to push me to any corner, no pressure and obligation when I am with him. And I should know what is all that supposed to mean…It is me myself who is moving too fast, which I think is not part of what he planned and want in his life now. And thus, I am suffering from all the unnecessary thoughts, and this is what happened when only one party is moving too fast. The last relationship I was the only one wanna move forward, and now, I am the one who is moving too fast. Maybe I should really stop moving or just slow down, so that no one, including myself is pressured. But why did he wanna give me kisses in the first place, whispered near me “my dear” when I was sleeping, told me he was crazy for me when he kissed my lips, held my hand near his chest… how can a girl like me resist to all these?
6th December 2008
Do you know how I feel when you told me you dozed off at the sofa, without calling me for the day? No, you do not know. I just feel that I am so not important to you though you said I am. I do not dare to angry with you or tell you because at this moment I am so afraid of losing you, but somehow it is hard when only one is trying very best to maintain a relationship.
You know why children are always carefree? because they do not think much when they do whatever they feel like doing. Climb here and there without thinking much. So is my love to you. I am a decade younger than you, that is why I love you because I love you, I need you to trust me and have faith in me too so that we both can work things out, I am not li lian so I won’t betray you, I am not lena so I do not give you complicated life, and I am not supermodel, so no people will fall for me easily, I am just me, li-ling, who just wann be with you.
1st December 2008
It’s been a month since he and I became couple. Things seem to be fine but actually I know that things are not working out as good as it is seen. Receiving his mail the other day made me realize that I am the one who is making things going too fast which is fine with me but I do not think is fine with him. He told me that “n I admit that I need more time to adjust having u living together with me”…and I know what it is supposed to mean. I was mislead or misinterpreted by his words when he said “ I hope you will be the one I pay my attention to”; “of course I want you to be my girl”; “you can have my place anytime you like”; “my work can wait, you are more important to me now than anything else”; and a lot more..well, he actually did say he was not trying to push me to any corner, no pressure and obligation when I am with him. And I should know what is all that supposed to mean…It is me myself who is moving too fast, which I think is not part of what he planned and want in his life now. And thus, I am suffering from all the unnecessary thoughts, and this is what happened when only one party is moving too fast. The last relationship I was the only one wanna move forward, and now, I am the one who is moving too fast. Maybe I should really stop moving or just slow down, so that no one, including myself is pressured. But why did he wanna give me kisses in the first place, whispered near me “my dear” when I was sleeping, told me he was crazy for me when he kissed my lips, held my hand near his chest… how can a girl like me resist to all these?
6th December 2008
Do you know how I feel when you told me you dozed off at the sofa, without calling me for the day? No, you do not know. I just feel that I am so not important to you though you said I am. I do not dare to angry with you or tell you because at this moment I am so afraid of losing you, but somehow it is hard when only one is trying very best to maintain a relationship.
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