1st march 2009
we have been together for about four months? what do we know about each other? i know that when i am with you or if i wanna be with you i need to learn :
1. to be silent, which is not to ask questions which i am not supposed to ask, though sometimes i am dying to know
2. to be patient, which means i am not supposed to disturb you, but to wait for your calls or sms, even if you are not going to call or sms me again, all i can ever do is to wait patiently.
3. to be tough, which is to accept whatsoever you are doing outside, i need to be tough even if i am going to find out it is something which is going to hurt myself.
4. to be realistic, which means i must not have to many imaginations and anticipation, cause you told me to not to look into the future, so i can only keep everything i hope to myself.
5. to be pretentious to myself, which is i cannot show you any face or tell you something which i dun like, even if i dun like, i need to ask myself not to be emotional again
6. to be always ready, which means i dun know when again anything is going to happen, for every single thing i am going to do and every single move i am going to take, i need to have hundreds of unknown possibilities, prepare for the worst and accept whatever is predicted.
there are so many things i can learn, but not one thing, which is not to cry...you just do not know how many tears i had before whenever i feel insecure as i thought of what happened and when i think of her...i guess i really love you, or like u very much that i am doing all these so that u wil still be with me...
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
their photos........
25th feb 2009
now i know that i cant think of her...coz all the time when i thought of her....i will had a nightmare....after he told me that he will be going to kl for meeting...the first thing that came to my mind was her....that he will be meeting her...then at night i dreamt of i saw their pictures....and the pictures look very much like wedding photo as he was in his coat and she was in a gown.....and she wrote something somewhere....which made me thk that he is now with me coz she gave us a chance...she wrote sth like "have u ever thought of the little sis" or sth like that which was referring to me....
i never doubt that he is going for a meeting....but what i am afraid of and worry about is he will be staying there over the weekend and will be with her....or maybe he will be meeting her after his meeting....i really dun feel good....but i have to give him time....what more he still has his freedom...
now i know that i cant think of her...coz all the time when i thought of her....i will had a nightmare....after he told me that he will be going to kl for meeting...the first thing that came to my mind was her....that he will be meeting her...then at night i dreamt of i saw their pictures....and the pictures look very much like wedding photo as he was in his coat and she was in a gown.....and she wrote something somewhere....which made me thk that he is now with me coz she gave us a chance...she wrote sth like "have u ever thought of the little sis" or sth like that which was referring to me....
i never doubt that he is going for a meeting....but what i am afraid of and worry about is he will be staying there over the weekend and will be with her....or maybe he will be meeting her after his meeting....i really dun feel good....but i have to give him time....what more he still has his freedom...
finally.......
24th feb 2009
although these days u wont reply my email and write me sweet things or give me any promises, i feel that u are trying ur very best to give me everythg u can and take care of me...and i feel that this time u really wanna give it a try...and i feel really glad...
i felt so sweet when u told me in a very serious ways not to get involve with my cousin brother's gf thg and u kept on emphasized that a few times asking me "know o not"...and u said that when it is something serious u will tell me no matter how u have no voice...sometimes when u start to tell me things which i did not ask u...like the new investors, i just feel happy...coz u are not hiding sth from me....and i also learn that if it is sth u can tell me, u will tell....things that u dun wanna tell me could be either sth i dun have to know and u will take care of it or sth u dun want me to feel bad after knowing....
although these days u wont reply my email and write me sweet things or give me any promises, i feel that u are trying ur very best to give me everythg u can and take care of me...and i feel that this time u really wanna give it a try...and i feel really glad...
i felt so sweet when u told me in a very serious ways not to get involve with my cousin brother's gf thg and u kept on emphasized that a few times asking me "know o not"...and u said that when it is something serious u will tell me no matter how u have no voice...sometimes when u start to tell me things which i did not ask u...like the new investors, i just feel happy...coz u are not hiding sth from me....and i also learn that if it is sth u can tell me, u will tell....things that u dun wanna tell me could be either sth i dun have to know and u will take care of it or sth u dun want me to feel bad after knowing....
Thursday, February 19, 2009
no title
20th february 2009
i have an interview with G hotel later today..i planned to take a bus there but somehow he said he will fetch me there....
everything is going on so fine now..he brought me to hat yai last weekend..which was also on Valentine's Day...i felt so glad...cause at least i know that he wasnt with someone else..i dun need any celebration or any gift from him,i just wanna be with him. and of course, i felt so sweet when he cuddled me in the morning when i was still slping. and a week before that he brought me to buy some clothes to prepare me for internship.
before that incident i want so many things from him, but not right nw,i am afraid that someday we might not be together and i do not want him to have any reason to hate me...he spent a lot of time and money on me which i dun know if it is a good thing.i do not want there is a possibility that i will hurt him so badly that he wouldnt want to love anyone again...
i have an interview with G hotel later today..i planned to take a bus there but somehow he said he will fetch me there....
everything is going on so fine now..he brought me to hat yai last weekend..which was also on Valentine's Day...i felt so glad...cause at least i know that he wasnt with someone else..i dun need any celebration or any gift from him,i just wanna be with him. and of course, i felt so sweet when he cuddled me in the morning when i was still slping. and a week before that he brought me to buy some clothes to prepare me for internship.
before that incident i want so many things from him, but not right nw,i am afraid that someday we might not be together and i do not want him to have any reason to hate me...he spent a lot of time and money on me which i dun know if it is a good thing.i do not want there is a possibility that i will hurt him so badly that he wouldnt want to love anyone again...
speechless
9th february 2009
again and again, i dreamt of them...i was sleeping right next to him, but i dreamt of him answering her call...saying something sweet...i can't remember what but i am so scared...i do not know what can i do...he is so sweet, no doubt he wont buy me what i want but he will buy me what i need....he brought me to Sunway Carnival in Butterworth to do some shopping..he bought me some formal clothes, to prepare me for my internship....he prepared me dinner...but there is 1 thing i dont like, which is everytime when he asks me "what do u wanna eat".....cause that is the thing he told me that made him felt like a routine when he is with me...most of the time i will still feel the shadow of other people, in his car, his couch, his bed, his appartment and his everything.....
again and again, i dreamt of them...i was sleeping right next to him, but i dreamt of him answering her call...saying something sweet...i can't remember what but i am so scared...i do not know what can i do...he is so sweet, no doubt he wont buy me what i want but he will buy me what i need....he brought me to Sunway Carnival in Butterworth to do some shopping..he bought me some formal clothes, to prepare me for my internship....he prepared me dinner...but there is 1 thing i dont like, which is everytime when he asks me "what do u wanna eat".....cause that is the thing he told me that made him felt like a routine when he is with me...most of the time i will still feel the shadow of other people, in his car, his couch, his bed, his appartment and his everything.....
Monday, February 2, 2009
another dream
3rd february 2009
once again, i dreamt of them...in the dream she was coming back from somewhere and he is willing to drive all the way down to KLIA just to pick her up....i cant remember clearly but after that they actually went shoping togerther and he bought her a lot of things...why why why???why do i have to dream of you and her on and off? cant everything just get out of my mind? i can see her clearer in evry dream, and i am so afraid....
once again, i dreamt of them...in the dream she was coming back from somewhere and he is willing to drive all the way down to KLIA just to pick her up....i cant remember clearly but after that they actually went shoping togerther and he bought her a lot of things...why why why???why do i have to dream of you and her on and off? cant everything just get out of my mind? i can see her clearer in evry dream, and i am so afraid....
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