it's been a long long time....

Baby,
I am so sorry that I have not been an understanding girl all this while. I tried, every day, every single moment to trust in you, to understand why you are doing what you are doing, but there are just times when I found it is hard. You said you are not a guy of words but actions, somehow the way u treated me makes me feel bad. You don’t reply my sms, you don’t return my calls, and sometimes just ignore me. Of course I hope this is because you can be who you are in front of me, you don’t have to pretend that you are fine. But on the other hand, I am just so afraid that it is because you are tired of me, no longer love or like me, and that is why you chose to use this way to leave me gradually, silently.

I feel threatened. I don’t know if there is someone else out there who will go through this hard time with you, and she will become so meaningful and important to you. If this is the case, then I really don’t know what I am doing right here right now. The reason why I still want to text you even you don’t reply is because I am afraid there will be a gap between us if we just don’t keep in touch at all. Then everything will just end like that. And I do not even dare to mention all this to you because I think you don’t know what you want to do with me also. Like the other time you said I think too much but then the second day you asked for a break, which brought us to the situation we are in now. That is why I have no courage at all to tell you how I feel again, every time when I provoke some issue, that is when you realize what you want, which is not so good to me.

I do not know why I have to think of you every day. And I hate when it comes to night when it symbolize a new day is coming soon. When it comes to Friday, I hate it more to know that you won’t be in town but in KL. I am sorry every time I have to mention it again because she was or is someone meaningful to you and she is there in KL. And what happened really can’t get out of my mind till now. This is why I said sometimes I find it hard to trust in you. Also this is the reason why in one of my sms to you I said it is ok if what you are doing hurts me, because a wounded heart can heal, but please do not break my heart, because a broken heart cannot be mend again.